Uncle Tom's Ten Sure Fire, No Fail, New Year's Resolutions

I am so tired of making New Year's resolutions that I give up on before the month is out. So, this year I have decided to set measurable, attainable goals for myself. After much thought, I have come up with ten things to accomplish in 2014 that I am certain I can manage.  They are:

1. Take more naps. (All the magazines say naps are good for old people).
2. Eat more fattening foods (I'm learning to bake).
3. Take the dog for more walks (She gnaws on my ankle if I don't).
4. Be more obedient when my wife tells me to do stuff (She has a cast iron frying pan and is not afraid to use it).
5. Work harder for less money (Thank you Mr. President).
6. Waste more time on the Internet (Can't afford to do much else).
7. Write one more chapter of my memoirs by year's end (I just cut and paste junk I write on Facebook into a Word document called "Toms Memoir")
8. Download more free stuff off the Internet (I can't afford to pay for it, even at Walmart prices).
9. Drink more water (the diuretics I'm taking kind of guarantee I have to do that unless I want to turn into a colorfully dressed sandpile). 
10. Gain weight (My diet seems to work that way - not sure why).

Betcha I keep every one of those resolutions by April!

© 2013 by Tom King