My Top Twelve Ways To Tell If You're Gettin' Old

(c) 2013 by Tom King

Lately I've been taking a hard look at my own mortality.  I'm trying to decide whether I'm getting old or just deteriorating a little prematurely.  I'm 59 and I don't feel old, except when I try to get out of my recliner, forget to turn on the heating pad or try to break into a trot while attempting to catch a bus.  So, anyway, I've developed my own personal top dozen ways to tell if you might be getting old.  To wit.....

1. If you have to tie your shoes in two or more stages because you can't hold your breath that long.......you might be gettin' old.
2. If you suddenly discover that you actually enjoy talking about your most recent surgeries.....you might be gettin' old.
3. If you talk baby talk to your dog..............you might be getting old.
4. If you buy a service dog vest so you can take it to the Wal-Mart with you.............you might be gettin' old.
5. If you actually call it "The" Wal-Mart",..................... you might be gettin' old.
6. If you suddenly discover that you actually enjoy talking about your dog's most recent surgeries.....you might be gettin' old.
7. If you've ever found yourself at the doctor's office and couldn't remember why you were there......you might be gettin' old.
8. If you've ever told somebody in the doctor's office waiting room, "Hey, that's my chair!"............you might be gettin' old.
9. If adult diapers don't sound like such a bad thing anymore............you might be gettin' old.
10. If you've ever been driving to church and had to ask your wife what day it was..............you might be gettin' old.
11. If you talk to your joints........and they talk back to you............you might be gettin' old.
12. If you take more than 15 pills at a time and most of them weren't yours in the first place..............you might be gettin' old.

I could probably come up with more of these, but I don't remember what I was talking about..

Has anybody seen my glasses.

Tom