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Monday, May 11, 2009

Hip Shot Charity and Tom's Diet

Nonprofit organizations are in trouble lately. With the shrinking economy, people have gotten to where they toss those fundraising letters without even looking. Let's face it, we all hate to say "No!"

Well, not all of us hate to. There are some real curmudgeons out there who get a kick out of it, but most of us like to help where we can. We feel guilty if we don't and sometimes it makes us mad when friends get involved in a fundraising campaign because it makes us feel obligated to give something substantial. After all they are our friends and we don't want them to think we're cheap. If we toss the letters without reading them, we can reduce some of the guilt we feel at not sending something and say truthfully, "No I didn't see the letter," if asked about it later.

So what do we do when the economy takes a nose dive and we can no longer pony up for the thousand dollar table at the annual Cattle Baron's ball?

Do what I do. Skip lunch!

It's my new diet/charitable giving plan. I'm on a carb restricted diet to try and lose about a hundred pounds worth of such lunches. So now, if someone asks me for a donation and I like the cause, I just give 'em my lunch money. Even if they say they don't, they'll take cash. Stick it in the envelope and send it right back. It may not be a lot, but cumulatively, it does add up. I already give more of my income percentage wise than President Obama in an election year, so why not pad my stats a little more and de-pad my derriere (not that there's too much hope of that since my behind seems unnaturally resistant to dieting)?

This has the double benefit of not only insuring I don't have to feel guilty about turning down charities, but it also help reduce my consumption of carb-restricted salads. I know you can eat all you want of them, but why? As a pretty much vegetarian by preference, I hate eating a lot of meat anyway (which is supposed to be one of the attractions of this kind of diet). So, for me, veggies unadorned and salads without croutons or crackers is pretty much it in the way of guilt-free snack foods. After a while, you just can't bear it any more and you just quit eating and decide to give your lunch to charity, which is, I think, the secret to this diet anyway. You just get too discouraged to eat!

Look, the economy could stand to lose some fat and so could I, but that's no reason I can't do some good while slowly starving myself into an unnatural thinness.

I say unnatural because last night I watched a movie in which a chubby little dentist claimed to weigh 185 pounds. Heck, my left leg weighs more than that! I didn't look as fat as he did when I weighed a good 50 pounds more than he claims to. Either I've got lead desposits in my bones or somebody's scales really are off.

At 185 pounds, I look like I just got out of Auschwitz or something. And no matter what I do, my behind is enormous!

How is that fair?

Oh, well, enough of my whining. Send your low carb treats to me at "Dieting Makes Me Cranky", 20755 Bay Shore Drive, Flint, TX 75762. Cash is accepted, but I am liable to eat it - if only for the salt content!

I'm just sayin'

Tom King

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