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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Chairman Lee and the Dawn of the New World Order

Another brilliant blog by my old friend and liberal sparring partner, Che' Gorilla, that I thought I should share with you.


There's a great Tom Paxton song from the 80's called "I'm Gonna Change My Name to Chrysler."

It ought to be the anthem for the latest stroke of brilliance by our exceptionally brilliant new president as he brings to a successful conclusion, the U.S. governments efforts to rescue the floundering auto giant and prevent it from going the way of Studebaker, Hudson, Nash and AMC.

It started in 1979 with President Carter's 1.5 billion dollars in loan guarantees to Chrysler. This plan, under the brilliant leadership of Chairman Lee, paved the way for the US government to become, for the first time in our history, a quasi-partner in an American car company. Chairman Lee and the company, of course, gratefully returned the benefit to the economy by cutting it's white and blue collar workforce by nearly half, and draining tax dollars from the two remaining fiscally healthy US auto companies, Ford and GM to support Chrysler which cut R&D costs and shuffled paper losses around to make it look like they were making a profit.

This brilliant bit of tactical measured information dissemination, led Americans to believe that even an out of touch, mismanaged car company like Chrysler could make a profit and led to a burst of economic growth. That, together with essential higher taxation after the disastrous Reagan tax cuts of the 80's, helped further strengthen American economy and its worldwide dominance in auto manufacturing. This brilliant government information dissemination policy as exercised under the very brilliant President Clinton is, I am certain, responsible for the current confidence of American consumers in the US auto industry.

Sadly, however, the evil Republican machine under the vote stealing George W. Bush removed the government supports keeping the auto industry healthy and once again, after 8 years of failed policies, the auto industry needed a bailout. The Democrat Congressional mandate of 2006, once again allowed the government to resume its proper place in US industry, not only as a micro-managing regulator of car design and working conditions, but of financial management and marketing. Under President Obama, the government has moved with astonishing speed to snatch the management of floundering car companies from greedy corporate executives and, beginning with Chrysler, to buy a controlling interest in US auto industries for the government and then to hand control of these key American industries into the capable hands of the benevolent leadership of the loyal worker's unions which are, of course, best equipped to bring honest and ethical management practices to the company that will replace the desperately corrupt greedy corporate bloodsucker polices of those who seized power during the 8 years of failed policies under Bush and Cheney and Halliburton.

Now, all will be well, as the machinery of socialist............, I mean, enlightened, government controlled central planners will lead the American auto industry to produce the kind of automobiles we need and not just the kinds we want.

Gone will be the gas sucking pickups, SUV's and muscle cars that have corrupted American youth and families. Soon everyone will be traveling by public transit OR in tiny fuel-efficient box-like alternate fuel vehicles paying fuel taxes at such high rates that virtually every social program we can imagine will be possible.

Soon, under the wise guidance of brilliant thinkers chosen by our beloved president, Americans will no longer have to strive to get ahead, they will be able to go home at the end of a hard 30 hour week and watch their information dissemination screens and eat healthy food made from efficiently recycled human waste products and make their exit from the workforce and the health care system after a fair and just length of time as determined by federal length of life committees. (This will be known as the Eat S.... and Die Policy). All will belong to a single proletariat class where no one need envy any other. The media will no longer present disturbing images; only scenes of happy workers contributing to the maintenance of the state and children singing that wonderful "Yes We Can" song in tribute to our glorious leader.

Oh, it makes my heart glad to think of the inevitable joy of serving the state. I shall name my next grandchild "Chrysler" in honor of the car company which led the way to socialist bliss, that is if I ever have any more grandchildren, which is unlikely since my children are all White Anglo Saxon Protestants and therefore likely to be evil conservatives who are, of course, unworthy to reproduce.

I look forward to the day when everyone like me is erased from the face of the Earth and replaced by a sturdy peasant stock, suitable for laboring in the fields and mines and factories of the new Amerika!

Viva Obama!

I am so happy, I could just soil myself.

Che' Gorilla


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