Here We Go Again

I got a hoax e-mail yesterday about Glade Plug-ins. You can read about it here: http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_plug_in_air_freshener.htm And here: http://www.scjohnson.com/family/fam_pre_pre_news.asp?art_id=133 There are several versions of this “Alert” out there, some signed and some not. If you check the website of the “attorney” that supposedly signed it, Hunton & Williams are corporate lawyers defending the likes of TxU, Bank of America and Bell South FROM these kinds of lawsuits. Their pro bono work is largely environmental lawsuits. Someone stuck the phony signature on it after reading that a lack of signature was a dead giveaway that it was a phony e-mail (they probably read it on About.com). 

 Use a Glade Plug-in properly and your bathroom will smell just fine and is unlikely to burn down as a result. Of course, if your bathroom plugs are cracked and broken and your wiring inadequate, you could start a fire there, but that’s not the plug-in’s fault. Sounds like some unscrupulous lawyer (probably not Hunton & Williams) setting up the manufacturer for a lawsuit. By tainting potential jurors in advance with this word of mouth attack on Glade, an attorney has a better chance of winning a nice fat lawsuit. Maybe it was done by a rival manufacturer who wants to improve their sales of a similar product by besmirching Glade’s brand name. Whoever it was knew enough about attorneys to make a realistic looking signature for the note. 

 Shame on them. Please understand that by passing this sort of stuff around without checking it, we all contribute to rising costs for the things we buy in the store and the goods and services we use. There are more than one million lawyers in this country – at least one for every 250 of us. At an average salary of $75,000 (and that’s very modest – it’s likely much higher), that means you and I pay out an average of around $3400 per year to support lawyers. This cost is not just in direct fees, it’s hidden in every product we buy, every service we use, every thing we do. How many things do you know of that you cannot do anymore because of the fear of lawsuits. 

Been on a hayride recently? Churches don’t do those anymore because their insurance won’t let them. How about a nice program for seniors at your church? Nope! Can’t do that without licensing and liability insurance out the wazoo – which you often cannot get at any price! Take a group of kids out in your boat? Not without signed waivers and proof that you have liability insurance. Swimming pool in your yard? Not without an ugly high fence and locks and a sign that says no trespassing (as required by your insurance company). Had a fender bender and apologized to the other driver because you made a mistake. Not without worrying for weeks afterward that the other driver was going to show up in court with a neckbrace and take your home from you? Apologized and helped them up when a neighbor slipped and fell on your porch or stumbled over your kid’s tricycle? Not without worrying whether such an apology was an “admission of guilt” and basis for a suit. Offered a homeless person a job for a few days to help him out? Not without wondering if you were being set up for a suit. Better to let those “homeless organizations” with good insurance do that. When’s the last time your kids played baseball on a sandlot? Not without waivers, proof of insurance by the sandlot’s owner and certified umpires and safety equipment. When’s the last time the local band did a concert in the park for free? Not unless someone paid for it, because there was the city’s insurance against lawsuit to consider. Somebody paid for the concert you can bet on it and somewhere a lawyer got some money, however indirectly. 

I don’t know about you, but I’m not happy with what I’m getting for my $3400. AND for every dollar that goes directly to an attorney, at least another goes to his support staff, court fees, filing fees, penalties and losses to companies which they recover by charging you more for goods and services. Got mesothelioma, Parkinsons or Lyme disease? Had a car wreck? Mom in a nursing home? Taken heart medication, pain or diet pills? Got a rash from a bottle of lotion? Looking for a quick pile of money? Who ya’ gonna call? Just watch daytime television for a few minutes. They’ll give you a number you can call. There’s an old folk song that I heard once. I’d like to offer a revision to the last verse. …And when I die and go to heaven, There won’t be no lawyers there. 

Just one man's opinion... 

Tom