Science Proves Women Out Talk Men................Duh!

 A "shocking" new study came our recently stating that women talk more than men - a LOT more. In fact, women speak 285% more words than their male counterparts. The study found women spoke some 20,000 words per day, while men spoke a paltry 7,000.

I really wasn't terribly surprised, though I wouldn't say that around my female friends and relations (something that would probably up their share of the word count for the day significantly). Another study I saw showed that women talk a LOT about their feelings and their relationships (and their feelings about relationships). Men talk about stuff and doing stuff.

Some girls at summer camp once wanted to know who the staff guys were interested in, so they hid outside the shower to listen to our secret guy conversations. They hid in the bushes for a half hour, learning a lot about water skiing, football, motorcycles and cars before they finally gave up and left. To their surprise and disgust, they discovered that guys don't talk about the same things that girls do. This fact is often a source of great disappointment to most women after they are married. They want desperately to talk about all this feeling/relationship stuff and men just don't have anything to say about that. This could account for why they out talk us almost 3 to 1. After a while we learn to shut up and let them get it off their chests.

One handy tip for you guys, though. Don't try to help or give advice. Just listen and make sympathetic noises. Women don't want us to solve their relationship problems or fix their feelings. It doesn't take too many times before you figure out what a death trap trying to fix her problems is. Sadly, though, for us guys, fixing things is pretty much all we bring to the table.

So after a while we learn to say "Uh-huh" and "I'm so sorry" a lot and find something to do with our hands to keep us from going nuts while the wives are talking about relationships and their feelings and their feelings about relationships. Nothing wrong with that. It's how we achieve balance in a relationship.

(c) 2014 by Tom King

Three Out of Four Teenagers Disobey Federal Exercise Guidelines

I'm shocked, shocked I tell you!

Three out of four teenagers do not obey federal daily exercise guidelines according to a recent Fox News report..

I'm shocked!

I mean teenagers disobeying the government. What is this world coming to!

Isn't the federal government getting a little crazy with all these guidelines even for a Democrat run government? I mean really. What's next? It seems like they have guidelines for everything.

After the recent government funded Stanford University Study, I expect a new set of federal guidelines to come out soon that will require all new toilets to come with a foot rest so you can comply with the Surgeon's General's new federal guidelines for assuming the state-approved pooping position. They even released diagrams which I shall not share here. There is a limit to the level of interference in my personal business that I shall tolerate.

Reminds me of a joke I heard yesterday. The NSA came out with a statement Monday, denying that it was installing cameras inside the toilets of every American household. In a totally unrelated press release, the director of the NSA issued new federal guidelines calling for Americans to, quote: "...get more fiber in their diets for crying out loud!"

Assume the position, folks! We are well and truly...................... Well, we all know what's coming.  Let's just ask ourselves, why else would the government be so concerned that we know HOW to assume the position?
(c) 2014 by Tom King