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Wednesday, December 11, 2013

They Can't Come Up with a Better Holiday Than Noodle Ring Day?

Police could never crack the infamous Chicago Noodle Ring.
December 11 needs a new holiday.  

"National Noodle Ring Day"?  Really?  I don't even know what a noodle ring tastes like. Sounds like an Asian or Italian pasta cartel to me - somebody smuggling cans of Spaghetti-O's or something!  And that's the best they could come up with for a holiday? I can think of three new national holidays right off the top of my head better than that.

1. National Dress Up Like Young People Day - Anyone over 50 should put on a hoodie, some baggie pants (no belt) with a nice ugly pair of Fruit of the Looms (or a thong for you guys that are really brave) and go down to the mall and embarrass your children and grandchildren.

2. National Ask an Intelligent Question Day - When you go out to day, find someone who's standing around all slack-jawed with a vacant expression and ask them an intelligent question like "How far is it to the sun in kilometers?" or "If I heat calcium carbonate so it releases CO2 and bubble the vapor through an aqueous solution of ammonia and sodium chloride, will sodium bicarbonate precipitate out of solution?" 

3. National Stare Up At the Sky Day -  Get out your tail-gating gear, find a few friends to go along with you and drive to a large parking lot at a mall or Wal-Mart. Then spend the next few hours staring up into the sky while drinking and eating hot dogs and Fritos. Perhaps bring along a telescope or binoculars. If anyone asks what you're looking at, say, "What?  You didn't hear? Well, I suppose it's one of those need-to know things. Don't worry though. They say it will all be over quick."  Then say nothing else.

How much more fun would those national holidays be?  Hmmmm.  Now all of a sudden, I'm hungry for Spaghetti-O's!

© 2013 by Tom King

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