(I Wanna Join) The AARP -- A Parody for Aging Boomers

Suggested by a post by Roelle Seamount on Facebook of a cartoon 

called "The Retirement Village People"

"Don't know who to credit the picture to - will do if anyone finds out!"

Someone said it would be nice if we had complete lyrics to the song, so here we go.

AARP

(With apologies to the Village people who are by now, probably pretty geezerly themselves.)

By Tom King                        Tune:  YMCA

Old man, You really ought to sit down .
I said, old man, you need a cane to walk ‘round.
I said, old man, what’s that weird creaking sound
Is that your knee joints popping?

Old man, every half hour you go.
But here there’s restrooms every 10 feet or so.
They’ve got TV so you can watch all your shows
Many ways to have a good time.

You belong to the A-A-R-P.
You belong to the A-A-R-P.

Your hair’s falling out, people describe you as stout,
You pull your pants up to your armpits.

You belong to the A-A-R-P.
You belong to the A-A-R-P.

You get regular meals, your apples always come peeled,
You can nap wherever you feel ...

Old man, are you listening to me?
I said, old man, that Ducolax sets you free!
I said, old man, It’s kinda sad that your dream.
Is to have one good BM!

I know, you’d rather bathe by yourself.
I said, Old man, just put your pride on the shelf,
Hit the call light, you get Nurse Ratchet herself.
I'm sure she can help you get clean.

I wanna join the A-A-R-P.
I wanna join the A-A-R-P.

You know they have a hot tub, Old ladies looking for love.

Skinny dipping is Thursday night!.

We belong to the A-A-R-P.
We belong to the A-A-R-P.

We’ve got our own lobbyists and buddy when we get pissed

Even senators do what we say ...

Old man, I see you’re wearing black shoes
With black socks, and Bermuda shorts too
It’s great, when you hit sixty-five

And can wear shirts from Hawaii.

When young punks, try to make you afraid,

You take your cane; whack ‘em upside the head

Then taze ‘em, you carry one million volts.

Wanna bet that gangsta wished he hadn’t…..  

Tried to fool with the A-A-R-P

He tried to fool with the A-A-R-P

They have shuffleboard here for you to enjoy,
You can really impress all the boys..

A-A-R-P ... you’re now a member of A-A-R-P

Old man, old man, now if you ever fall down.
Life Alert, will pick your butt off the ground.

A-A-R-P ... you’re now a member of A-A-R-P

Old man, old man, there's no need to feel bad.
Old man, you’ve got, pills like you’ve never had.

A-A-R-P ... you belong to the A-A-R-P.

Old man, old man, there is no need to drive
Don't you want, to come back alive

A-A-R-P ... you belong to the A-A-R-P.

Old man, old man, there is no need to drive
Don't you want, to come back alive

A-A-R-P ... you belong to the A-A-R-P.

Old Man, You can go out, a van they will send.
It's dress-up, so be sure and wear your Depends


A-A-R-P ... you belong to the A-A-R-P.


Old man, old man, are you time to go to bed?
Old man, old man, turn up you’re hearing aid.

(Spoken fading)  Hey I KNOW you can hear me.  You’re just doing that thing where you turn off that hearing aid so you can pretend you don’t hear me. You guys were up to three in the morning last night. The nurses just can’t take it anymore. No I didn’t say beer time. I said bed time!

Lyrics © 2013 by Tom King