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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Why Hospitals Should Restrict Certain TV Channels

I don't know which is worse, passing a kidney stone or having to watch Keith Olbermann and not being able to turn him off.

While waiting for them to come wheel me into surgery, I accidentally rolled over onto the TV remote by my hospital bed and turned the TV channel onto MSNBC. Normally, I would have quickly flipped the channel over (under the 5 second rule) but in my morphine addled state, I couldn't find the button to change the channel or turn him off.  After 5 seconds, I began to get nauseous, developed cramps and blood shot out of my eyes.  My kidney stone was dancing like Charro on meth-amphetamines.

I finally managed to punch the call button for the nurse. I remember screaming at her to flip the channel.  I think I finally volunteered for an emergency lobotomy (a request they fortunately did not take seriously).  My nurse put on ear protectors (no dummy that one) slipped into the room, while avoiding making eye contact with the screen and pulled the plug.  I don't remember anything after that till I woke up from the surgery.

Sheila slept through it all, though she later reported having a nightmare in which an evil pygmy with bug eyes and a whiny voice extracted her brain through her nose with a sharpened stick.

All kidding aside, though, there should be some kind of warning label that MSNBC has to flash on the screen when that man is on the air.  I came onto him late one night and was just curious about what all the fuss was about (they get you that way - you know). It was the most painful thing I've ever had the misfortune to listen to. Thank goodness I had that kidney stone pain to distract me.  Man, if you were to go to sleep with him playing in your head, it could cost you some serious brain cells. That's all I saying.


Hey, do you suppose we could get a class action lawsuit against MSNBC for all the brain damage he's caused.  I mean all those folks on the left claim we're brain-damaged anyway.  We could blame it on Keith Olbermann. Even if they could find someone to testify that they've been watching Keith for years without damage, all they'd have to do would be ask them a few questions.

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