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Thursday, August 28, 2008

The Silly Season: The Insanity of Campaigning in America

First - Great Quotations about American Elections:

"An election cannot give a country a firm sense of direction if it has two or more national parties which merely have different names, but are as alike in their principals and aims as two peas in the same pod." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

"There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket." - Will Rogers

"The Republicans have their splits right after election and Democrats have theirs just before an election." - Will Rogers

"My opponent called me a cream puff. Well, I rushed out and got the baker's union to endorse me." - Claiborne Pell

"Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about character issues. Either that or just go ahead and determine the presidency with three-legged races and pie-eating contests. It would make better TV." - P.J. O'Rourke

"A new poll showed that if the election was held today, people would be confused because it is normally held in November." -Kevin Nealon

"Vote early & vote often." - William Porcher Miles

"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates." - Jay Leno

"I have just received the following wire from my generous Daddy. It says, Dear Jack: Don't buy a single vote more than is necessary. I'll be damned if I am going to pay for a landslide." - John F. Kennedy

"I never vote for anyone. I always vote against." - W. C. Fields

"Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything." - Frank Dane

"We have a presidential election coming up. And I think the big problem, of course, is that someone will win." - Barry Crimmins

"You don't have to fool all the people all of the time; you just have to fool enough to get elected." - Gerald Barzan

In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. - Autobiography of Mark Twain

I Can't Afford to Pay My Satellite Bill and It's Probably a Good Thing. Here's ten reasons why:

  1. It saves me money - about $70 per month which I spend on snacks mostly.
  2. My high blood pressure probably couldn't take watching Barak Obama give his acceptance speech standing in front of a Greek temple while 75,000 temporarily brain dead sycophants chant, nubile women faint and Chris Matthews rubs his tingling legs....
  3. I don't have to watch the press swoon (see Chris Matthews tingly legs).
  4. It forces me to watch downloadable TV shows and streaming video off the Internet (can't afford to turn that off) and hey, there's some really good stuff on there - I got an S-VHS cord running out of the back of my computer into the TV and the blurry picture isn't all that bad since I grew up with rabbit ears and a 10 inch black & white screen anyway so this is luxury of the highest order.
  5. I am no longer tempted to throw heavy objects through my TV screen while watching the 6 o'clock news and propoganda shows. I can take my news in smaller doses and listen to Paul Harvey & Glenn Beck all the time if I want to.
  6. Using my computer to watch TV shows means I can't play computer games while watching TV, so I have to sit down with my Sweet Baboo and watch it together which has had a surprising impact on certain neglected spousal interactive recreational pursuits.
  7. I'm getting better at gin rummy.
  8. I've become a better cook since I have more time for it.
  9. I've discovered that The NASA channel is free and still comes on the satellite system even if you don't pay and it puts me right to sleep when I'm restless late at night.
  10. I'm spending more money on eBay lately and I'm told that spending money is good for the economy, so I can feel good about that.
So, this political season, consider buying a satellite system and just don't hook up for the service - stick to the free stuff and what you can download off the Internet. There are some great movies if you don't mind the Mexican subtitles and the guy who walks in front of the projector once in a while.....

Just one man's opinion.

Tom King

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