The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

I Am the Very Model of a Democratic Candidate
(with deepest apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan)

Admiral Bill:

I am the very model of A Democratic Candidate.
I choose my words in speeches for their tendency to obfuscate.
I pander to the voters who least like to think political.
That way I get away with things that would seem hypocritical.

Chorus: That way he gets away with things that would seem hypocritical.

I’m seen with cool celebrities and rappers in the magazines.
I often grab a quickie with the interns in my limousine.
I promise anything that comes into this punkin' head to me.
I promise, if elected, they can share the Lincoln bed with me.

Chorus: He promised, if elected, they all can share the Lincoln bed with him.

I have a wife who fortunately supports me in the media.
Though she knows my indiscretions would fill up encyclopedia.
In short although I’m liberal I call myself a moderate .
I am the very model of a Democratic candidate.

Chorus: Oh, he’s the very model of a Democratic candidate

General Obama:

I change our nation’s history in ways I hope you never recognize
I make the founding fathers out to be a bunch of kinda Marxist guys
My political positions can depend upon whatever poll is sinking
And I read the morning paper just to see what I am thinking

Chorus: Oh, he reads the morning paper just to see what he is thinking

My pastor is my mentor in matters that are spiritual
For 20 years attended ceremonies, sermons, rituals
Where for anarchistic rhetoric the congregation all were clapping
But, I have never heard a word he said cause frankly I was napping

Chorus: Oh, he has never heard a word he said cause frankly he was napping

I am the darling of the press and journalists and columnists
Who carefully suppress the fact I am a closet communist
I have a golden tongue, I speak of Hope, Change and New Directions
I know it doesn’t mean a thing, but it helps me win elections

Chorus: Oh, he knows it doesn’t mean a thing, but it helps him win elections!

Captain McCain:

I have a sterling record, I embody all things military
My cooperation with the Democrats was almost always voluntary
I’m counting on the media to carry me to victory
Though my rhetoric and history are often contradictory

Chorus: Though his rhetoric and history are often contradictory

I count on my relationships with the pundits, scribes and commentators
For that will win the moderates, so say TV talk show moderators
I don’t count on conservatives I don’t really think that I can use ‘em
Their whole fascination with that Reagan fella always did confuse me

Chorus: Their whole fascination with that Reagan fella always did confuse him

It’s all about how best to win this election confrontation
So I can get my self elected to be the leader of this nation
That’s why I want to save the planet from the effects of global warming
Real or not it make the moderates all think that I am charming!

Chorus: Oh, real or not it makes the moderates all think that he is charming!

All together:
Principles no longer enter the political equation
Not if you wish to be elected to be leader of this nation
We can speak and yet say nothing through an hour long debate
So, we are the very models of a Democratic candidate

Chorus: Oh they're the very models of a Democratic candidate!