Truth, Lie and the Observant Farmer

I saw a meme the other day that told the old story of the time Lie dressed itself up as Truth. Of course, it had been transmogrified into a parable about how wicked Donald Trump is by someone I've seen post the most outrageous balderdash to defend his progressive vision of the future.

In the version I heard many moons ago, the story went something like this.
Lie Steals Truth's Clothes:

One hot summer day, Truth was walking in the woods and came upon a pond. Truth being overly warm, decided she'd take a little swim. She hung her clothes on a nearby bush and plunged into the water. Meanwhile, not far away Lie was lurking as he always does, looking for a way to deceive. He heard Truth splashing around in the pond and went to check it out. When he saw Truth's clothes hanging on the bush, a wicked, naughty, evil plan just popped into his nasty little mind.

He would steal Truth's clothes! Then he could tell all the lies he wanted, but because he would be dressed up as Truth, people would believe him. Quick as a flash he grabbed Truth's clothes, slipped them on over his own and ran for it. Truth saw him just then and despite her lack of clothing, she set off in hot pursuit, for Truth knew what sort of trouble Lie could cause running around dressed as herself.

Lie Tells Some Whoppers:

As Lie quickly put some distance between himself and his angry, wet, naked pursuer, he met a man coming down the road. "I might as well try out Truth's clothes and see how they work," he decided.

Lie went up to the stranger and told the man a pretty good lie. The stranger said, "You know that must be the truth because he is wearing Truth's clothes."

Smirking at his own cleverness, Lie went further down the road, where he soon met a second man. "Hello, sir," said Lie and proceeded to tell a big fat lie this time. 

The second man scratched his chin and said, "You know that sounds like a lie to me, but he's wearing Truth's clothes so it must be the truth."

Lie Employs Statistics:

By this time Truth was gaining on Lie and was just minutes behind. Lie, unaware of this, spots a third man, an old farmer, approaching. "This time I'll try a real doozy," he thought and proceeded to tell a lie so incredible that he might not have got away with it at first, but he used a lot of phony statistics and fake stories to make the lie sound even better and the farmer looked for a moment as though he'd bought Lie's story.

"You know," said the third man. scratching his head. "That story you just told there Sonny, sounds like a great big whopper of a lie." Then he looks off down the road and turns back to Lie. "But just because it sounds like Truth, don't make it Truth. You may look like Truth, fella. You may sound like Truth. You may even wear Truth's clothes, but mister, you ain't Truth." He points back along the way that Lie had come.

"You certainly ain't Truth, mister Lie," the farmer shook his head, "No sir, because yonder comes the nekkid Truth!"

At least that's the way I heard it.

© 2019 by Tom King

Newsbreak: Ron Paul Receives Major Party Endorsement

Disassociated Press

Official News Release

DATELINE: August 25,2011, Luckenbach, TX

- For Immediate Release –

Ron Paul Wins Texas Pot Party Endorsement



William Nelson, Spokesman

 Following a recent spate of cannabis-fueled blog reports that Ron Paul has been gaining ground in the presidential race, members of the newly re-organized “Texas Pot Party”, today, officially endorsed the Texas Congressman’s bid for the presidency. At a press conference at its headquarters in Luckenbach, Texas, spokesman for the party, music industry icon William Nelson, donned a red, white and blue tie for the first time in 32 years to make the official announcement.

The event, held in the pool room at the Luckenbach Bar and Grill, was the first ever “Get Out the Vote: political rally in the organization’s 34 year history. Nelson opened the ceremonies with about 30 minutes of music while reporters grazed the brownies at the buffet and sampled the open bar. Once the hooka fumes had thickened sufficiently, Wilson (or Nelson, or, uh, Billy Bob..............whoever the heck he is, I can’t remember), made the official announcement.

“Ron Paul is really the only candidate who makes sense after 4 or 5 joints,” said Mr. Nelson. “And the beauty of his candidacy is that the more stoned you are, the better his chances look.”

Increasingly woozy reporters asked few questions at the press conference, although MSNBCs Ed Schulz demanded that Willie, “…tell ush where da resh roooooooms went to,” and accused party organizers of “hidin’ the ding-busted thang!)

CURRENT TV commentator Keith Olbermann followed up Schulz’s harsh line of questioning with the observation that he’d “…sheen a resh rooooooom around h’yar somewhere old Buckaroooozy!”

Dr. Paul wasn’t present for the announcement today, citing some concerns as to whether or not the free reefers being offered at the hospitality buffet were, in fact, medicinal marijuana and had been properly procured from American growers. Paul even offered to bring his prescription pad if party organizers could document the source of the giggle weed and the ghangha-laced brownies provided as refreshments at the press gathering.

“Don’t get me wrong. I do appreciate and welcome the party’s endorsement,” said the Texas congressman, “As I share the party’s concern over many issues including the legalization of drugs, the institution of a myopic foreign policy and the establishment of safer methods of extracting one’s head from places without access to abundant heliotropic radiation.”

In related news, reporter Martin Bashir and news publisher Ariana Huffington were married just moments ago in an impromptu ceremony at the Luckenbach Dance Hall. The Bride wore a charming burlap gown to match the Western-theme of the event. Bashir, wearing only ostrich boots and a rodeo belt with strategically placed buckle, wore a lasso for a necktie which Ms. Huffington held by the free end throughout the ceremony, applying sharp tugs whenever it was Bashir’s turn to speak.

Ms. Huffington explained the surprise union, saying, “He has a cute accent just like me.” Bashir will change his name to Bashir-Huffington, but is being allowed to retain his post at MSNBC. Ron Paul could not be reached for comment on the developing story.

(c) 2011 by Tom King*

* Please note to Ron Paul supporters who jumped over here to read this with hearts a-palpatatin'.  I'm truly sorry to have to explain this to you (but I have to anyway, just so I don't get into legal trouble for jerking around people with impaired mental function).  The above story is SATIRE. Not a word of it is true. Ron Paul hasn't a snowball's chance in Hades of becoming president and Willie Nelson isn't affiliated with any Texas Pot Party that I know of despite the rumors.

No such party exists in the state of Texas (at least not for purely political purposes) to my knowledge. I had to change the name of the fictional pot party several times (apparently you can organize a political party for any danged thing you want to and my first choice names were already taken by various California and Austin, Texas area groups - Austin being where we store most of the state's liberals so we'll know what they're up to). First it was the 'Pot Party', but there is already one of those. The Marijuana Party was just too obvious and doesn't have much of a ring to it. The Dopey Party seemed too offensive to Disney characters and mentally-challenged college students. There is an actual "Texas TeaPot Party" that was organized to support Willie Nelson after he got busted for cannabis possession at one of his big Fourth of July Parties. I finally settled on the "Texas Pot Party" which, at least has no presence on the Internet that I can tell.

Mr Paul and Mr. Nelson, themselves are considered public figures and open to ridicule, satirization and subjection to bad jokes under U.S. slander and libel laws. Nelson's image was listed as public domain on one of the pot-related sites I borrowed it from, so I'm sure there are no legal problems with me using the picture..

I have no money and a cousin Wally who's a lawyer and owes me a favor after I caught him flirting with that waitress over at the new Waffle House (Marybeth has already warned him once about that). Anyway, there's not much good in suing me. I'll just take this down and replace it with something serious about Ron Paul supporters having no sense of humor. Considering the nasty jokes some of them have posted about my favorite candidates, I figure ya'll owe me one shot at your guy anyway.

I don't even have that many readers so hacking me is basically pointless. Who's going to know? That said, have a nice day and try to stick to the stuff WITHOUT formaldehyde in it. That stuff'll make you blind according to my Great Uncle J.D. who used to operate a medical marijuana outlet from the back of his gas station back in the 60s. He was way ahead of his time was my uncle JD.

Tom

They Just Don't Get It - The Stink Bait Ain't Workin'.

The president is baffled; the Democrats and Republicans befuddled; the media can't explain it. The American public doesn't seem to trust anyone anymore. You can check out the polls. They tell a story of a massive lack of public confidence in the very people and institutions who are supposed to be looking out for the best interests of the American people. Instead what we get is one betrayal after another by so-called public servants, who may be serving someone, but I'd be willing to bet it's not the public.

So....

We don't trust the Congress.

(http://www.galluppoll.com/content/?ci=27946 ).

We don't trust the media.(http://www.publicopinionpros.com/up_coming/2007/apr/kirkpatrick.asp ).

We don't trust the President.

( http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1771890/posts ).

The congress, the administration and the media establishment are all like a bunch of fishermen who have brought the wrong tackle with them on a fishin' trip. They keep casting out shiny, colorful lures - the kind of bait they would just love themselves if they were a fish (or a voter in this case) and they can't get the unwashed masses to bite.

It's the dangdest thing.

To carry the fishing metaphor a little further (at the risk of sinking this entire essay in a bucket of stink bait), imagine politics as just that - fishing for votes. Now if you're going to fish for fish there are just two philosophies.

1. You try to understand the fish, what it wants to eat, where it likes to swim, what attracts its attention. Then you go where it lives, use bait that makes the fish happy and wiggle it in front of them so it looks like lunch.

2. Take whatever lures or bait or tackle that YOU like, fish where YOU want to fish and dangle the bait in a fashion that amuses YOU.

NOW WHICH PHILOSOPHY DO YOU SUPPOSE WILL WORK BEST FOR ACTUALLY CATCHING FISH.

Now I want to admit up front that I am a member of the second philosophical group where fish are concerned. My sympathies always lay with the fish. I just like throwing lures in the water and cranking them in. There's a sort of Zen quality to it that I find relaxing. Actually catching fish interrupts the "flow" for me.

That's probably why politics never was terribly interesting to me.

Now, my question is, if getting elected or re-elected is the point of politics, then why do politicians seem to be doing what would be counter-intuitive if they want to be re-elected.

The general public has some pretty clear ideas of what we need in this country. They want security, a healthy economy and not to have to pay a lot of taxes for all this security and prosperity. Over 80% want our borders closed. Seems to me someone would be talking tough on that subject if they want to win the next election. Why aren't they? How did they get the Immigration Bill so wrong? Why are they doing so many things that have alienated voters? Who are they fishing for?

Maybe the analogy to politics is more like pro fishing or commercial fishing. The fish isn't the real target. For pro fishermen, it's less about how many you catch, but what kind. When you come down to it, pros are often fishing for sponsors rather than for fish. Commercial fishermen are fishing for canneries or markets. They have to have the funding to go where the specific fish they want are and the gear to harvest them in the largest numbers.

So, let me suggest a third "Fishing Philosophy".

3. Fish in such a way that you catch enough fish to make your sponsor happy by using his brand of tackle, or his brand of boat or by catching his particular "target" fish demographic or by attracting the kind of customer he wants to sell to.

I think politicians looking for voter support have stopped really trying to please voters. Always, they have to have one eye out for the sponsor and what the sponsor needs or wants. Really, the folks providing the money for the nets and gear and boats become your first priority in this analogy. You have to make them happy. The fish, like the voters, become just a crop to be harvested using the most efficient method money can buy.

Maybe that's the problem with politicians (and the media for that matter). Perhaps, they're not working for you and me. Instead they're working for their sponsors. Maybe rank and file voters have become merely a crop to be harvested and the politicians and the media have begun working for the ones who pay for the advertising. Ironically, it's the same companies and people that pay for all the advertising that keeps the media afloat that also funds the candidacies of both political parties.

Now knowing who everybody's actually working for (and it's not us), is it any wonder the American People don't have a lot of confidence in these guys?

No matter what they say, professional politicians and media guys are pretty much working for the people who pay for the commercials.

Me, I think I'll sit in my boat and drag my big old noisy bass lure through that school of crappie over there. I like makin' me happy!

Just one man's opinion....

Tom King

Who Are the Jedi Anyway?

The History Channel has been running a special on the political and social ramifications of Star Wars lately. It's fascinating - especially the part where they compare George Bush and the Iraq War to the Evil Emperor and the betrayal of the Jedi.

Well, you knew that was coming. The problem with that is that the Star Wars Rise-of-the-Evil-Emporer / Rise-of-George-Bush metaphor breaks down really quickly when you take a look at it. Here's how.

1. The Evil Emperor is for larger government.
Republican George Bush keeps talking about shrinking government.
Now who is it that wants to increase taxes, expand the bureaucracy and insinuate the government into everything from health care to education to what you can say on the radio?

2. The Evil Emperor started out as a senator, is an expert politician, discredited and marginalized former chancellor Valorum and skillfully maneuvered his fellow senators into granting him unlimited power.
President George Bush started out as a governor, not a Washington insider, has been derided as stupid, transparent and has been skillfully marginalized by political opponents and the media to the point that Democrat senators keep trying to call for a vote of "no confidence" at the least or to impeach him at worst - kind of like what happened to the Old Republic's Chancellor Valorum.
Now just who was behind discrediting the Republic's chancellor in Star Wars and who is behind discrediting the Republican President in the US Congress?

Starting to become clearer?

3. The Evil Emperor started up a war to deliberately draw attention away from his own lies and machinations back at home and to lead the Jedi into a trap and reduce their numbers.
While George has been charged with the same thing by his opponents, let's also remember that he's a true believer that terrorism must be fought where the terrorists live instead of waiting for them to come over here again - an idea that makes a strange kind of sense when you think about it.
BUT, who was it that when he got caught lying, all of a sudden decided to start up a little war in the Balkans - entirely coincidentally, of course to draw attention away from his own perjury and foolin' around with the White House help? AND isn't it interesting how quickly some folks came up with the idea that Bush was using a war to consolidate his power. It's like there's a script out there and everyone of them is saying the same thing like mindless drones, accusing a president who's been trying to respond to the most devestating terrorist attack on the United States in history of playing cheap politics. These guys have even accused him of staging the attack himself? And who was that who came up with that ludicrous scenario? The same guys that ran Vietnam out of the White House and hamstrung our troops in the field so badly, that the most powerful Army in the world was reduced to impotence against a far less powerful bush league peasant mob. The same guys that have proven devestatingly adept at creating crises for the purpose of getting elected.

4. Finally, the Jedi! Who are they? These are wise and powerful knights who protect the Old Empire, defend freedom and promote independence and limited government. They are respected by ordinary people, but are badly outnumbered by the forces of evil who seek to silence them forever.

Now who is it who leads the fight for the constitution, the Republic, freedom and limited government, even against those who once believed as they did and have fallen away, seduced by the power of the dark side, uh I mean the power of being a big deal in government. Who holds an almost mystical power that holds back the power of those who would make government bigger, more intrusive, more controlling of all aspects of our lives. Who would the forces of darkness like to silence. Who would they like to take all the power away from? Who is the target of the Fairness Doctrine Proposal - a law that would make a certain type of media financially impossible to maintain?

Oh, my...

I think I know.

The Jedi Knights are.....................................................Talk Radio!

Who woulda thunk it?

Sir Rush, Sir Sean and Sir Glenn - the US's own Jedi. These boys better watch their backs, that's all I can say. The Clone Wars have already started.

By the way, have you noticed how much all the presidential candidates are alike. Nobody really stands out from the pack. Clones, that's what they are!

Hey, if they start pinching interns on the butt, we'll know who the template was.

Now, if we can just get Sir Fred to run....

Just one man's opinion.....

Tom