Trusting After Your Trust Has Been Violated

"I feel so violated!"  

Let's face it nobody likes to have been had! But if you are in any kind of business you probably have been hood-winked, if not once, probably many times. So if you're one of those people like me who just wants so badly to trust everybody and you get shafted, how do you keep from becoming a suspicious, paranoid old crank. I mean who wants to do business with one of those?

Here are some rules I follow and you might want to as well, since you probably want to come out of one of these interactions with corruptible humanity, with your own sweet trusting nature that your wife, children, friends and family love so much still intact.

1. Be careful who you give power to.  Power does not absolutely corrupt; not even absolute power. Power does, however, attract the corruptible. If someone wants to take over for you and make your life "simpler", you should be careful and check to see if your wallet is still in your pocket. There is an old Russian proverb, Ronald Reagan was fond of quoting. It goes, "Trust but verify!"  Do that.
2. Recognize your limitations. The reason we have contracts, lawyers and personal accountants is because not all of us known everything about everything and what we don't know absolutely CAN hurt us. In any business endeavor bring in people to look out for your interests. It's well worth your while to pay those people if you lack some area of expertise related to self-protection. If you protect yourself, you protect your family. You can turn the other cheek if it's your own, but we are not asked, even by God, to turn our loved ones' cheeks.
3. Stop blaming yourself. Sure you feel bad that you got taken. But the person to blame is the evil, lying stinkpot that hood-winked you. The Bible nowhere gives us a commandment that says, "Thou shalt not be fooled." So the upshot is, "Not your fault for being trusting." We do have a commandment about that - "Treat others as you would be treated." Good rule that one. Golden I'd say.
4. Pick yourself up and try again. The only way you can be defeated is if you surrender. Rather than giving up, just get up and try again. Some reporter once asked Thomas Edison how he felt after his attempts to build an electric lightbulb failed more than 2000 times. Edison shot back, "I didn't fail 2000 times. I discovered 2000 ways NOT to make an electric lightbulb." That's what I'm talking about.
5. Find someone else to trust. It's the old advice they used to give neophyte cowboys when they fell off their horses. "Get back up on your horse." Only way to learn. Then next time your spidey senses start to tingle, you'll be less likely to be taken unawares. Nothing like bitter experience to teach you.
6. Finally, redouble your own efforts to be trustworthy. Mark Twain got taken in by some get-rich-quick schemes in his time and wound up badly in debt. To settle that debt he went on a world speaking tour and kept it up till he paid off his creditors. It restored not only his credit rating, but the esteem in which people held him.

We all get had once in a while. The world is crawling with flim-flam men, snake oil salesmen and dirty rotten scoundrels (a couple of whom are running for president). Once in a while you get bitten by one. Since we aren't allowed to shoot them, the best we can do is try to avoid them and carry a snakebite kit with us. There are good people in the world. Don't get discouraged.  Be the best person you can be and such people will have little or no power over you.

© 2016 by Tom King

Clinging To The Nearest Chunk of Solid Earth

By Tom King © 2009 – All Rights Reserved

Have you ever felt like the Earth was shifting underfoot and there was nothing you could do but cling to the nearest chunk of ground and hang on for dear life. This weekend the Earth has moved for me. In the larger world, decisions are being made that could turn our world upside down. In the smaller world, our family has decided to move from the house that has been our home for the past decade – the place where my son died.

This will be a welcome relief for Sheila from the constant reminders that torment her. He died here and there are times she feels like she cannot bear it. Moving will help in her recovery from the PTSD that has plagued her for almost 4 years. I am certain of that.

I actually love the place we’re going. I’ll have a dock, fishing boat, our own beach and a spectacular view of the night sky. Not only that, but the place is cheaper and better built than where we’re living now. It’s a good thing. I know that. So why don’t I feel better about it?

I know when I walk out of this place, a piece of my heart stays here. Our beagle, Suzy, my old sailing partner, is buried in the back yard. It seems silly to even think about that. Our last Christmas with Micah was here. I can still see him joking with his sister; playing music with his brother. I walk past his bedroom door and for an instant it feels like he might still be there. His pickup’s been sold for months, but I still half expect to see it in the driveway when I pull up. I grasp at little straws of fading memories of my boy that slip away from me in time’s relentless slipstream.

I should be happy we’re moving. It’s a good thing. So, thank you God for whatever you’re doing to me. Like Scrooge once said, “Since I know that it is for my good, I will go with You.”

For now that means clinging to the nearest solid chunk of ground and hanging on for dear life.

Tom