Looking for a Sheep to Lead Instead of a Shepherd

IMMUNIZING AGAINST BULLIES


The CDC says that 4400 children a year commit suicide because of bullying. Anybody wonder why that is?. Are we like Behaviorist BF Skinner said, solely the product of our environment, such that we really have no choice but to succumb to negative reinforcement like bullying? To listen to some commentators on culture in this country, someone has to do something about bullying.

I agree. The trouble is, programs to stop the bullies don't help much. Bullies tear down the posters and snicker at the lectures that pass for bully prevention. These kinds of "programs" make some people feel good but they are pretty much like a shepherd putting up a sign in his pasture saying "No Wolves Allowed".  Likes that's going to help.

There is something we can do, but it's not about throwing money at the problem. It's not about posters and slogans and sensitivity training. It's about throwing teachers and parents at the problem. Sure lots of kids succumb to bullying. Lots more don't. The difference is in what the victims are taught and it's parents and teachers who must do the teaching.

Tens of thousands of kids are bullied that do not kill themselves. Why is that, if we're helpless to resist the psychological damage to our self-esteem that bullying causes according to the pundits? How is it that all of those thousands of kids are able to bullies and not become victims? How do they learn to stand up for ourselves? How do some big strong kids learn to stand up for others?

My uncle had a kid in his eighth grade class who was a very tall and muscular young man. He was a gentle soul and could not stand to see other kids hurt or picked on. In an attempt to stop bullying in his class my Uncle promised swats to any kid who got into a fight. One afternoon this young man saw a couple of the class thugs ganging up on a younger kid. He stepped between the bullies and their victim. They took a swing and our young hero flattened them. My uncle pulled all the boys in to administer the promised punishment for fighting. He knew what had happened and hated to administer the consequences he had promised despite the injustice that it was. He offered to give him detention instead of swats, but the young man took the swats.

When the class bullies saw that this kid would take swats for the privilege of defending his smaller, weaker classmates, they quit bullying. Uncle Art said it was one of the most peaceful years he ever had as a teacher.

I told my own kids that story. Every one of them became a defender of the weak. My daughter not only defended younger kids from verbal bullying, she actually punched out a young man in the hallway for bullying behavior. And she had my 6' 250 pound brother backing her up. He did his own bit of defending the weak as did my oldest boy. My wife and I taught them that sense of justice and mercy. They learned that in stories from the Bible - David and Goliath, Gideon, and Jesus. They were never bullies. Quite the opposite. When we teach our kids that they are persons of value and we give them a moral code, they no longer need the approval of big powerful people or groups. Even if they are bullied it doesn't break their spirit. It makes them stronger.

I remember the howl that went up when George W. Bush threatened that America would fight the war on terror alone if need be. "How could he?" wailed the politicians and the media. The hand-wringing over the fact that he would even say such a thing was wondrous to behold. To most Americans it was a joy to hear an American leader talk like that. "We must first get the approval of other nations before we defend ourselves," it was argued. Bush, like an American sheepdog, never wavered, despite the criticism. It's why American re-elected him. It's why we festooned our front porches with American flags. We've long been a culture that believed that you do the right thing first and don't worry about what the bleating sheep think about it. We don't like it when our leaders condone bullying. It was churches and individuals who demanded a stop to Government persecution of native Americans. It was churches and individuals who demanded the slaves be freed. It was churches and voters who demanded that child labor and monopolistic bullying corporations be reined in. Most of us don't mind helping protect the weak and downtrodden. We're the most generous nation in the world, pouring money and people into every disaster and tragedy that comes down the pike.

Part of the problem we face in our culture these days is that we are rapidly becoming a culture of sheep/victims looking for a strong leader to save us. We want to make sure we are part of the popular crowd instead of being the American sheepdogs we've been - protectors who stand alone, if necessary, to defend their flocks. Sheepdogs don't lead. They fight to protect us from the wolves.

There is a Shepherd, but He is neither dog nor sheep. We in America got in trouble when so many sheep have turned their back on the Shepherd and appointed one of their own number to lead them. It's little wonder Americans seem so lost these days. We've abandoned the Shepherd and gone looking for other leaders more like us and less like God. What we keep winding up with are wolves in sheep's clothing who lead us off cliffs and prey on us, exploiting our need to belong to drag us into collectives that serve, not the people, not God, but which serve the wolves.

We can do better. Otherwise, our children learn from our example as we submit to bullies who shout us down if we disagree, who take from us and give little back, and who hem us about with restrictions and rules that we can hardly do anything creative or productive. Our kids see the way we long for the approval of the crowd and they come to believe that the crowd is the thing and if you don't have the approval of the crowd, you are worthless. It's little wonder so many end their lives in despair.

It's time to teach our kids how to be American sheepdogs. It's time to teach them that they can stand alone against bullies and their toadies and that makes them stronger and better people. Time for American individualism to make a comeback. We are a nation of many. Our government and leaders serve by our will and not their own. And as Americans we must be willing to bring down bullies, even if they come in groups led by wolves in the garb of sheep saying smooth words about justice and compassion. Wolves are wolves and must be resisted. To hell with it if it makes you unpopular with some of the sheep.

© 2018 by Tom King